I make no apology for my actions
by Ilse17
Summary: The thoughts of several characters after Ross's speech and after the verdict (First chapter : Elizabeth).
1. Elizabeth

She can't take her eyes off them. Demelza has engulfed Ross in her arms, squeezing tight. Elizabeth imagines how it must feel, having him in her arms, solid and very much alive, after having been so close to losing him. Her whole being longs for that feeling. Longs to be that woman, holding him in her arms. She could have been.

The familiar sharp pang of bitter regret stabs her at the memory of the moment she chose Francis, moved by his promise of unlasting devotion, and afraid of going against her family. What's left of Francis's promises now ? All what she have now was a tepid, solitary life, a life that would have been empty if not for her son. He meant everything to her.

She's had several years to reflect upon her decision, to justify it. She knows that if Ross had not tried to fight for her, it was out of pride. Because he hadn't the financial means of giving her the life she was used to. And indeed, would she have toiled in the house and the fields, like Demelza ? She knows she couldn't have led that kind of life without resenting him in the end.

Besides, deep down, she knows that Ross and her were not fit for each other.

He's wild, passsionate, generous to the point of living almost like a peasant to keep his tenants properly fed. She's collected and never forgets her own interest. He despises and rejects all the social conventions and rules of his class. She has been raised mainly to remain always the proper lady. He's indomitable, as his speech to his jury has just shown once more. She's never admired him so much. But that very speech has shown again how reckless he is, to the point of lacking of the most elementary sense of self-preservation sometimes. Whereas she's cautious to the point of marying the man who seemed to have the better prospects instead of the one she loved. Cautious, even, to the point of composing with the unveiled interest of the man who has bankrupted her family.

No, she has repeated herself times and times. Ross and her would never have been happy together. She would have resented him for their poverty, for their neighbourg's dispapproval of his behaviour. She would have disappointed him so much that nothing would have been left of his admiration, his devotion to her.

Maybe it was mostly because of that, because she knew she wouldn't be able to live up to his idea of her, that she had let the family marry her to Francis.

Demelza was a much better wife for him. Demelza, with her own indomitable spirit, her unconventional way of thinking and her open heart to all living creatures that had helped her in her brutal social climbing, as well as the strongest self-confidence would have. With her own reckless streak, too, that was so well matched with Ross's. In Demelza's place, would Elizabeth have gone to take care of a whole sick family, at the risk to bring the disease to her own child ? She knew she would have thought immediately of the risks, but apparently Demelza hadn't, or hadn't taken them into account. So yes, in many ways, she was a much better wife for Ross.

But none of these bitter truths matters, as she watches Ross bury his face in the crook of Delmelza's neck, so deeply that only his shiny balck curls remain visible. At that moment, she'd want so much, so much to have earned the right to be in her place. At that moment, she'd want so much to be her.

 **This story is inspired by the TV show only. I didn't read the books. These are the thoughts that could have been in Elizabeth's head, IMO, considering her expression. Please leave a review, to let me know if you think I'm right, or what is your opinion of Elizabeth's character. I think that because of the restrained way Heida Reed is playing her part, it is open to many different** **interpretations.**


	2. Caroline

"To Ross Poldark !"

Caroline didn't exactly know what had possessed her to raise such a toast. It was partly to rile Unwin up, of course. But in the same time, maybe, it was a toast to all what she longed for in her too predictable life : adventure, panache, excitement.

Ross Poldark's last adress to his judge and jury still echoed in her head.

"I make no apology for my actions. In truth, I would do the same again."

She had felt rooted to her seat, her heart hammering in her chest, her breath shallow. She knew enough about the usual process of a trial (she even had attended one or two in London, out of boredom and without her tutor's knowing) to be well aware that such a speech had been rather the opposite of what was expected for a defendant.

At her side, the sad excuse for a man her tutor wanted her to marry had seemed transfixed too. Probably such a firm stand, such a magnificent defiance, were beyong the capacity of his imagination.

She really didn't regret to have come. She'd hoped the trial would provide some very welcome entertainment in that boring stay in Cornwal, which would have been even more disappointing than she had expected it to be, if not for her meeting with Dwight Enys. In fact, she had come mainly to see him, and to see that famous friend of his, Ross Poldark. Infamous friend, would have said Unwin, but the handsome doctor, obviously, had a different opinion.

Ross Poldark's speech had been everything she could have hoped, considering his reputation, and even more. Here was a man who did what he himself had decided, and always said what he thought. Just like she was so many times tempted to do, and had swore herself she would do, some day. And as a bonus, he was extremely easy on the eye. It seemed that with that kind of man, marriage wouldn't be such a horrific idea. But he was married, and very much in love with his wife, if the rumors were true.

She'd been a bit disappointed by Dr Enys's plea for attenuating circumstances for his friend. Considering the man's tendency to insolence when speaking to her, she'd expected a more combattive attitude. He'd stood up quite nicely to the prosecutor, though. And she knew that Dwight Enys was no less unconventional than his friend, in his own way. His world of work and devotion to the poorest was so far from her own pampered, constrained life. It must take a lot of courage, she knew it, to fight the diseases among the poor, to go every days in these filthy slums, seing all kind of physical miseries.

She'd been a bit disappointed by Dr Enys's plea for attenuating circumstances for his friend. Considering the man's tendency to insolence when speaking to her, she'd expected a more combattive attitude. He'd stood up quite nicely to the prosecutor, though. And she knew that Dwight Enys was no less unconventional than his friend, in his own way. His world of work and devotion to the poorest was so far from her own pampered, constrained life.

She could't forget Ross Poldak and his wife's passionate embrace either. The sight of them had raised in her a longing she didn't even know she could feel. Could his friend as well display such strong feelings toward a woman he would love ? Caroline realized she wanted to find out. She wasn't bored anymore.

 _ **Please review !**_


	3. Francis

"I make no apology for my actions. In truth, I would do the same again."

After theses words, the deep, firm voice stopped and the whole room fell into silence.

Then Francis heard Dwight whispering beside him, half admirative, half dimayed.

"I've heard more penitent speeches."

"But rarely more eloquent ?" Francis found himself replying, his voice rough in his own ears.

Ross had done it again : steal his breath with his incredible audacity, with what seemed to him an admirable but foolish lack fear in front of any kind of danger.

It was the same familiar feeling he had felt times and times, since the years of their shared childhood. A feeling that brought up unexpected memories from a distant past. Like the first time Ross had climbed to the top of the old oak in the park, while he remained stuck on a much lower branch, his heart in his throat, craning his neck to keep watching his cousin climb up and up, as if his sole gaze could prevent him from falling.

Or, like the time a not much older Ross had decided he would ride his father's stallion, and had been carried away, clinging to the horse's mane, untill the groom had caught up with the animal thanks to his own horse, and stopped the wild gallop.

Or any time Ross had spoken his mind too boldly in front of anyone stronger, or with power over him, older schoolmates, teachers, even Charles, Francis' own father whom he himself feared so much.

To Francis, Ross had always seemed to possess some kind of charm that allowed him to escape unhurt from all the risks he took. He had envied him, resented him even, for this fearlessnes he was unable to match, for his charisma, and of course, for Elizabeth's love. His jealousy had been the rotten spot that had allowed that worm, George Warleggan, to nearly destroy their friendship, and them too.

But Francis was very much afraid that this time, Ross had just behaved like George's best ally. That he had tempted fate and defy authority one time too many. Even the most indomitable spirit could be choked by a rope.

 ** _Please if you liked something in these chapters, leave a review, even a very short one. Finding them encourages a lot to go on writing._**


	4. Demelza

A long silence fell upon the public at the end of Ross's speech.

Demelza was shaking slightlty in her efforts to contain the sobs that almost choked her. She was vaguely aware of the various reactions around her. Admiration or outrage, but mostly, astonishment.

Demelza couldn't share that feeling. She knew Ross too well to have imagined, even for a minute, that he could carry on with the penitent, grovelling speech his councel had prepared for him. But that inability to bow the truth to achieve his aims, that indomitable pride, that complete disregard for any kind of caution were part of what he was. And she loved him as he was. Whether these personality traits were qualities or flaws, or rather alternatively both, it didn't even matter. They were essentially Ross, and she had never imagined that he would deliver any other kind of speech.

Justice had trapped Ross because of what he was, and she felt trapped as well, paralized by the icy fear that was chilling her to the bones as she waited now for what seemed an inevitable death sentence. She knew her life would stop with his, that him gone, any light would disappear from the world for her. But the worst was she'd have to go on breathing and fighting for survival, because of the new life that was growing inside of her.

How could she ever manage that ? She'd have to, anyway.

Ross turned his head to give her what was probably a last look, sending a silent apology, and all his love. But there was nothing to forgive. If Ross could have forgiven her to have caused Julia's death in her attempt to save his cousin's family, she could forgive him to have only considered the dire need in which were the villagers, and not his own personal risks in leading the plundering of the wreck. And even, to have been unable to change his ways for once, just enough to save his own life.

Yet as much as she'd have wanted to convey this with her own gaze, to send him only love and strength, she knew she couldn't hide the despair in her eyes.


	5. The counsel

Not guilty !

Jeffrey Climmer, Ross Poldark's defense counsel, let out the breath he'd not realized he was holding, feeling a mix of elation and astonishment.

The man had actually done it. He'd convinced the jury of his innocence by speaking the truth.

Climmer almost shook his head again, thinking at Ross Poldark's words at the beginning of their first meeting, when he had warned him not to speak at the trial the same way he had answered to the judge's questions after his arrest.

"I answered truthfully, isn't it what the law requires ?"

And after all Climmer's efforts to make him acknowledge the necessity of showing contrition, however falsely, of bowing his principles enough to escape the noose, the young fool had turned nonetheless, for his defense, to the same dangerous truth.

"In truth, I'd do it again."

Who'd have ever imagined that such a provocative speech would lead to his release ? And what had possessed him to suddenly change his mind in the first place ? The explanation might be the brief look Climmer had noticed, aimed at George Warleggan, the man everyone knew to be behind all the accusations. Begging for mercy in front of his enemy had been too much for his pride.

Uterly dismayed by the new content and tone of his client's speech, the counsel had shaken his head, feeling an mix of astonishment, admiration and exasperation. But mostly, sadness and compassion.

For in such a short time, he had become very fond of his difficult and stubborn client. One couldn't help but admiring his stoic courage, his unflinching integrity, the sense of humor he seemed able to keep even under such a threat, his genuine concern for his destitute countrymen.

Maybe it was what the jury, too, had perceived, thanks to that passionate short speech. Besides, in spite of the despicable pamphlet so lavishly dispatched in the neighborhood, his client, he knew it, was esteemed and well-liked by many people in that part of the county. The rumors that George Warleggan was behind the accusations might have helped too. In his own class, Warleggan had a lot of sycophants, because of his wealth and power. But he certainly didn't command loyalty. And he was very unpopular, with goood reasons, among the other classes. Some of the witnesses he had bribed to testify against Poldark were too obtuse to be very convincing liars. Besides, the captain's testimony had proved that Poldark was no longer on the beach when the custom officer had been attacked. The Captain would have had no reason at all to cast Poldark in a good light if he had not been helped by him.

As to Poldark's speech, reminding the jury of the tradition of the county concerning wrecks and flotsam had been well done too, even if Climmer was sure Poldark hadn't done it out of strategy, but because it was the truth. Cornish people were very attached to their tradition.

And to finish, maybe the judge had too openly tried to force the verdict he wanted upon the jury. The might not have liked it.

All in all, whatever the reasons, Climmer had rarely been that glad to have been proven wrong.

 _ **I wondered what reasons could be assumed behind the so unexpected verdict of the jury. Also, I quite liked the counsel's character and his obvious concern for Ross. So I decided to add that short chapter before dealing with George's POV. That one will come soon.**_

 _ **A big thanks again to all my reviewers.**_


	6. George

"I make no apology for my actions. In truth, I would do the same again."

George could barely hide a satisfied smile. Such a predictable fool. In fact, all the money he'd spent to bribe the witness and print the pahmplet in a huge scale had been barely necessary. Ross Poldark was perfectly able to dig his own grave all by himself.

The man was as good as dead now. And it would be completely his own doing. Why hadn't he accepted George's help, a help he'd offered not once, but twice ? And he couldn't even have the sense to defend himself properly in front of a jury, when his very life was at stake.

Yes, the man had definitively no common sense. And never had. Not like George himself.

George was glad to feel satisfaction now. A bit earlier, when Tankard had said that Ross would probably hanged, he'd felt an unexpected and unwanted pang of regret.

But after all, Ross's death wasn't what George had wanted in the first place. It was his friendship. And he had offered it to him, several times. Only to be met by the most outrageous insolence. At the memory of said insolence, George felt another wave of vengeful satisfaction. He could soon erase the memory of these repeated humiliations thanks to his knowledge that Ross had ultimately paid in full for every single one of them.

Ross had preferred to chose as his friends a nobody like this Dwight Enys, or any kind of gutter-scum, fishermen, miners, poachers, smugglers. Well, he would soon meet a fate completely fit to his choice of friends.

And yet, how different things could have been, if not for Ross's infuriating stubborness. All what George had ever wanted had been Ross's acknowledgement that he was his equal. And he was. Hadn't he had a perfect gentleman education ? Wasn't his family one of the wealthiest of the country now, mostly by his own doing ? What a pair they could have made, Ross with his ancient name and popularity in the county, George with his wealth and cleverness. Instead of endeavoring to ruin him, George could have advised him, offered him a partnership and helped him to restore his family's fortune. Ross obviously didn't know how to make money, what with his habit to neglect to ask for his tenants' rents and to pay his miners twice the normal salary. Whereas George was so very good at it. Together, they would have been the toast of the polite society of Cornwall.

But George had never got to show Ross what he could have done for him, had never got to see admiration and gratitude in his eyes. Only cold contempt. Well, very soon, he wouldn't have to face that contemptuous gaze ever again. And while he was taken to the gallows, Ross would have to meet his eyes one last time, he'd make sure of it, and to acknowledge George's victory.

 _ **Thank you so much for the nice reviews for each chapter. I think next I will write Cary Walreggan's point of view to complete George's. It could bring another kind of light on George's obsession with Ross.**_


	7. Cary Warleggan

George was rambling. "Not guilty ! How the damn jury could ever find him not guilty with all the evidence Tankard had gathered against him".

Cary Warleggan was calmer, but he was angry too. He knew the amount of money his nephew had spent, printing that pamphlet, bribing witnesses.

Of course, the Warleggans could afford it. And George was such a talented banker. Since he worked with him, they had doubled the family fortune. The lad could allow himself a few expensive quirks. All in all, George's pet project was less costly than a mistress would have been. But there were some similarities. George's hatred for Ross Poldark was no less obsessional than some kind of insane love.

The comparison was all the more fitting that George didn't only hated Poldark. He was obviously fascinated by him. Cary could remember some comments about him George had made sometimes, in particular when the man had come back from war.

"At school I rather admired him. He said what he thought, did what he liked."

Yet George hadn't been schooled to admire that kind of behavior, which obviously wasn't fit for a social climber. George's goal since his youngest years had been to reach the top. And he had perfectly succeeded. He could have everything money and power could buy.

So, why would George admire a man who didn't seem to care to restore his family's once preeminent position, who had barely a penny to his name ? Why seek his friendship ? And when rejected, why behave like an enraged scorned lover, and spend so much money, so much time in making plans to ruin the man,? Did George realize how often Ross Poldark appeared in his conversation, how many hours that could have been used making profitable business had been lost acquiring shares in a not very successful mining venture, or discussing with Tankard how to bribe a bunch of riffraffs ?

Maybe the explanation of that obsession was to be found precisely in George's school years. Cary knew that as a blacksmith's grandson, he was barely tolerated by all his haughty schoolmates. He's always been a little bit undersized, not quite the strong and athletic boy the others would have admired. He certainly was a brilliant student, but good grades without social status and athletic prowesses were not enough to be popular.

Ross Poldark had been everything George was not : tall, strong even as a boy, intelligent, but also excellent in all physical activities. He was the heir of an ancient name as well. But above all, he was apparently the most admired and well-liked student of the school. And this, in spite of his disregard for any kind of rules that constantly put him in all kind of scrapes. Apparently, he was a natural leader. George, Cary remembered now, spoke very often of him. And no doubt that Nicholas had encouraged him to befriend the Poldark boys.

Reaching adulthood, Ross Poldark had remained extremely popular, not only among the young gentlemen of his class, or the family of his father's tenants, but in Truro and in all the villages around it. That the older members of the neighborhood's preeminent families frowned upon his wild behavior hadn't changed anything, apparently.

Then, Poldark had been convicted of smuggling and had joined the army to avoid the noose. George had ceased to speak of him. Untill he came back.

At the beginning, Cary had belived that George's goal was solely to try and use Poldark's old name, his popularity among some of their neighbourgs and mostly among the lower classes, for the good of the bank. But it had become clear quite soon, after Poldark's first rejection of George's offers of friendship, that much more was at stake for his nephew.

And what with that ludicrous romantic interest George now seemed to profess for Francis Poldark's wife, who was well-known for having been Ross's first love ? The woman was neither prettier nor wittier than many others, and was married, to boot. But she had attracted Ross Poldark's admiration, therefore she was admirable and desirable. Or, more simply, not being able to get Poldark's friendship, George wanted instead all what was or had been his : his mine, his girl. And this, when it was high time the lad settled and had heirs.

No, George hadn't only wanted to use Poldark's friendship. He'd wanted that frienship desperately. As if becoming the man's friend could convey him some part, some reflection of the traits he admired in the other man : his audacity, his ability to act as he pleased, consequences be damned, instead of weighing his every move as George himself did. His charisma, the loyalty he seemed able to command. And even, maybe, his cavalier disregard for the rules of the class where he was born, the very class by which George had fought so hard to be fully accepted.

And now, having failed to buy that friendship, or even to coerce the other man into the appearance of it, George had become hell-bent on destroying him. Such an obsession had to be stopped in the simplest way, by actually disposing of its object. The man was a nuisance anyway, with his habits to pay his employees much more than he should, and his rebellious ways that set a bad example for the working classes.

So, the sooner the better. Once dead or in prison, Poldark would be soon out of his nephew's mind. For George's sake, and for the sake of the bank, Cary would make sure that their next attempt to destroy him would be a complete success.

 _ **So, what do you think ? Please give me another review !**_


	8. Verity

Verity would always remember the ten minutes or so during which the jury had been out as some of the longest ones of her life. One thought dominated the turmoil of images and feelings inside of her : she couldn't imagine a world without Ross.

He'd always been such an important part of her life, as long as she could remember. When she was a child, it was as if she hadn't had one, but two little brothers, as Ross came to Trenwith every day. She was asked to watch over the two boys, even though she was only two years older. It was not an easy task. Ross's adventurous spirit led to a remarkable inventiveness in terms of mischief. As for Francis, following his father's lead, he tended to dimiss her admonitions. He'd even have bullied her or taunt her sometimes, had Ross not intevened any time he tried. He didn't even hesitate to confront her own father on her behalf. And Charles, whom she and Francis feared so much, seemed to tolerate from Ross what he wouldn't have accepted from his own children, to the point he sometimes relented and stopped berating her. Ross had always been so kind and caring, the only one, in the house, who would listen to her. No wonder she prefered so much when he was at Trenwith, in spite of the extra vigilance his presence required from her.

No wonder, too, that as they grew up, he'd become even closer to her than her own brother. He was his confident, the one who would never laugh, never judge, who would always try to find a way to help her. She, in return, would always try to advise him, to temper his recklessness. And would always worry for him. It seemed that she'd almost never stopped worrying for him, till this present terrible day. For noone except Andrew himself was dearest to her.

Was it not thanks to him, because he'd once again spoken to Charles on her behalf, that she'd attended the ball where she'd met Andrew ? Was it not thanks to him that she'd been able to see her beloved several times in secret, getting to know him, and her own heart ? Was it not, in the end, to Demelza, the perfect match for Ross, that she owed her present happiness ? What would become of Demelza, without the love of her life ? Could God really be that cruel ?

Words of prayers began to surge up into Verity's frantic mind, as she tried hard not to burst into tears, to remaind composed and strong for sake of the desperate young woman at her side.

The twelve men came back into the room, and Verity felt her heart race in her chest, then nearly stop, as one of the members of the jury paused before uttering the verdict.

"Not guilty !"

The iron fist around her heart suddenly released its grip. As an overwelming relief washed over her, Verity let at last the tears flow on her cheeks. She watched Demelza run to her husband and take him in her arms, gripping him as if she'd never want to release him. He hugged her back, burying his face in her hair. Then came the congratulations of the numerous friends who were there, and she approached to embrace him, happy to see his joy and his surprise at seeing her. She promised to visit them at Nampara before going back home.

As she was making her way out of the building, she saw Francis at the door, probably waiting for his wife. She was so eager to share her joy that she went to him without a second thought. But her hopes for a complete reconciliation were quickly crushed.

For the moment, her happiness and relief at Ross's release were strong enough to soften the impact of the disappoitment. But as she made her way to her inn, Verity couldn't help wondering. If Francis had really tried to prevent her from marrying Andrew out of concern for her safety, now that it was done, shouldn't he try on the contrary to get closer of the new couple, if only to make sure that she was well treated ? Why couldn't he accept the facts ?

Because he couldn't stand loosing the sister that had always been at his beck and call ? Because he felt humiliated by the memory of the duel he'd lost ? Because the fact that she had eloped with Andrew seemeda personal failure to him, as that she had been under his guard, after their father's death, when she had fled ? Because she represented the one person he'd had the impression of controling, whereas he was unable to control his father's inheritance, and was even unsure of his wife's heart ?

Who knew ? But Verity would ponder over it some other day. For the moment, she only wanted to take joy in her visit to Nampara, then prepare her journey back to Andrew. Why ponder over the one sore spot of her life, when she had so much to rejoice for.

 _ **Even if that doesn't appear much in that chapter, I came to rather like Francis. From ep. 2.3 and on, we see what kind of man he could have been, had he not been crushed from his younger age by his overbearing father, and by the constant comparison with Ross. But his previous treatment of Verity was really appalling.**_


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